Insomnia Keeping You Up? Try Overnight!

Position: Snoozing

Hello friends, do you have trouble sleeping at night? Does your mind race and keep you awake? Do the stresses of the day keep you up late? If so, you need Overnight! The latest wonder drug from Aleta Pharmacopeia, LLC.

Never heard of Overnight? Don’t worry, thousands have taken Overnight and slept like babies for days afterwards. Many take it for years and report they feel younger all the time.

Just what is Overnight (Atseaallnighteradderal) ? Overnight is taking your boat out to sea for at least 24 hours and pointing it in a direction you want to go. Not only will you get to your destination quicker, you’ll fall fast asleep as soon as your lines are secured. Now, I know what you’re thinking, isn’t Overnight dangerous? Like any miracle cure, Overnight should be taken with caution. Especially if you don’t know how to follow instructions.

Indications

• You are in a hurry and trying to get somewhere else in days rather than weeks.
• Weather is threatening and you need to find your way to a safe harbour.
• You’re at Point A (the Caribbean) and you want to get to Point B (Spain).
• It’s been a while since Customs agents boarded your boat at night and you miss their commanding presence.

Contra-indications

• You suffer from narcolepsy – it is important to stay awake during your watch.
• You were recently boarded by Customs agents in the middle of the night, and you don’t want to repeat the experience.
• Weather is threatening and you are tied up at a secure berth.
• If your eyesight is poor enough that you won’t drive at night. Why on earth would you want to sail somewhere in darkness?
• You are a marina queen and the thought of communing with the moon, stars, and shining little critters of the sea pales in comparison to yet another Planter’s Punch at Jolly Jack Tar’s Watering Hole.

Side Effects

• Exhaustion – pulling an all-nighter might have been fun in college. At sea where there are hundreds of unseen dangers your adrenaline keeps you going until you inevitably crash. But that’s the point, right?
• Hallucinations – auditory and visual. In studies, 100% of Aleta’s permanent crew have reported hallucinations while on Overnight. Mostly auditory, rarely visual.
• Night terrors – in studies, 100% of Aleta’s permanent crew have been scared awake at one point or another while on Overnight.
• Profound sense of accomplishment – 97% of Overnight users admit to feelings of euphoria and satisfaction once they are safely in a marina bar sipping on a Planter’s Punch.

Dosage

• Take one well found ocean going sailing vessel to sea for at least 24 hours.
• Stand watch in three- or four-hour shifts.
• Once you reach safe harbour, drop anchor, or moor up. Knock back a tot of grog and head to your berth for as long as it takes to recover. You deserve it.

Cautions

Overnight is available by conscription from good ships’ captains everywhere. Take Overnight with caution. Do your homework, agree on a cruising plan, set watches, and keep an eye on the weather. Overnight may be taken for weeks at a time without permanent brain damage. In rare cases, Overnight may inspire a sense of wonder and a passion for sailing under a canopy of stars with turbulent blue/green phosphorescence trailing off the stern of the user’s boat. If this happens to you be prepared to fish for your supper and conserve water. You are liable to be at sea for a very long time.

© 2023 Aleta Pharmacopeia, LLC

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