Cosyhousing

Position: 45°37’26″N 122°40’42″W

It’s only been four and a half months, Lauren reminded me. I thought it was six, and that we’d more than passed our sell-by date. After all, fish and house guests smell after three days. Then I did a little mental arithmetic. When that failed, I went back to the vaults and extracted a copy of my boarding pass for our outbound flight from the UK.

Yep, dated November 9, 2022, the evidence indeed proved that we didn’t turn up until well past October. That made our visit only four and a half months long. Of course, by the time we reached Portland we’d already been traveling around the UK for a couple of months. So, it felt longer, or perhaps time on land blurs faster than time at sea.

Muck In

Now, our expectations for boat guests are fairly low and might be summed up best by two words: muck in. If there are dishes in the sink, wash them. If the dishes need drying or putting away, do that. Not only will things be tidier, but you’ll learn where the dishes live. Clean up after yourself and ask questions if you’re unsure of something.

Having been offered a spare room, the tacit question turned to what might we offer in return? Well, if you invite us into your home, our own boat guest expectations are the least you can expect from us. For bonus points we will walk your dog, pet your cat, and feed them if you tell us how. Then we’ll cook dinner for you and do our best to entertain you while we sit and eat together.

During our stay, Wade and Lauren had more than their fair share of family drama. The highlight of which was the birth of granddaughter Sally, a month ahead of schedule. Flights that had been booked in anticipation of her arrival got rescheduled at the last minute. Go! we said. Just go! We’ll take care of the dogs and the house. Finally, we felt like we could be useful. And we promised not to break anything while they were away.

Muck Out

Almost as soon as the newly minted grandparents returned, a major piece of plumbing, the wastewater lift pump in the basement, quit working. Minimizing the influence of effluence became the order of the day. The options were simple, call Wade’s brother who leads a team of construction contractors, or fix it ourselves. Wade’s brother indicated we should pursue the second option.

After reviewing YouTube, the job seemed do-able, so Wade and I jumped in his car and drove to Home Depot to secure the necessary parts. Six hours later the fix was in place and the waters parted. My contribution? I rode shotgun the whole time and occasionally held a flashlight and muttered words of morale-boosting encouragement. But sometimes when you’re elbow deep in stinky stuff that’s all you need.

With the plumbing running again, there was nothing standing in the way of taking turns at our on-going, asynchronous Scrabble game, or catching up on last season’s Ted Lasso (it’s those British accents – so much easier to understand with a second viewing).

Menu

If there’s one thing our friends have in common, it is an appreciation of fresh food creatively prepared. Wade makes the best sourdough bread we have ever had. Lauren excels at baking, especially peanut butter-miso cookies. Carol loves mashing together one-pot meals with fish, chicken, or tofu as the protein choices.

For Wade and Lauren’s 20th wedding anniversary, Carol and I put our heads together and conspired to cook them a restaurant-style meal in the comfort of their home. Complete with a full menu. Frugal sailors (read cheapskates) that we are, greasing our own elbows instead of a restaurant’s allowed us to invest in higher quality wines.

We kicked things off with a bottle of Banshee ‘Ten of Cups’ sparkling brut and followed it with a fine French rosé for the main course. The final menu included an appetizer of trout pâté, shaved asparagus and mixed radish salad, coconut poached halibut with bok choy, and lemon meringue pots de crème.

Collaboration

As our broader circle of friends grows more serious about retirement, the idea of shared living arrangements has started taking shape. Enough that the idea may one day become manifest. No one is sure what it might mean IRL (in real life), but at this stage that’s not the point. At this stage it’s figuring out what people want to do with their time, with whom, and for how long at a stretch.

From experience, and research, successful collaboration begins with shared values. Making values and expectations explicit doubtlessly makes a material difference to the success of any collaborative enterprise. How do you know if your values are shared with others? Working together, or taking trips together, are two of the best ways I can think of.

Cosyhousing

Cohousing is a modern term. It is not the same as communal living. In cohousing people have their own space, their own property if you will, but share meals, chores, maintenance and support each other. Cosyhousing is neologism that I just made up. It’s like cohousing only with increased hyggeness.

Wade and Lauren are a couple who generously share what they have with friends and family. That includes nurturing and support whenever required. We aspire to those values and do our best to live up to them. If an opportunity for cosyhousing becomes manifest, we can’t think of better people to share it with than them.

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