From our Kentucky Bourbon Correspondent

Aleta.life is pleased as punch to welcome our own inveterate booze hound Tipple Timmy, who this week offers his deeply informed perspective on Kentucky bourbon and how to enjoy it. Take it away, Tim!

Tipple Timmy’s Rules of Bourbon are…

1. Bourbon hails from Kentucky. There is no such thing as “Tennessee Bourbon”. It’s a far distant cousin and pale imitation of the genuine article. Although both are products distilled from fermented corn/barley/rye/wheat and aged in charred oak barrels, the misguided Tennessee distillers add the ill-conceived and self-destructive act of charcoal filtering, thereby removing the sine non qua that makes bourbon, “Bourbon”. If you prefer a dry vodka martini to a proper Bombay Sapphire classic, you like the taste of ethanol better than the flavors it extracts, and are likely an alcoholic and should attend meetings.
2. Bourbon is best bottled at 90-to-101 proof. Below 90 means some of the flavor components have already evaporated and beyond that, well… (See above comment about liking the taste of alcohol better than the flavors it extracts.)
3. Bourbon’s aging sweet spot is 9 years. Less and it’s on the brash side, more and it’s lost it’s punch. Not that there are exceptions (as noted below), no doubt due to the distiller’s experience and skill.
4. To enjoy bourbon’s full taste spectrum, sip it over ice – a single large cube or sphere preferred. (For more on round ice cubes, click here)

As the ice melts, the volatile flavor elements which have been “captured” by the high alcohol concentration are released. Of course, neat while sipping a soda water chaser is also a pretty good technique to accomplish the same goal intra-orally, if done slowly.

The Best Bourbon Awards

Applying the above rules to an overwhelming variety of modern bourbon offerings I offer you: Tipple Timmy’s “Best Bourbon Awards”. Each award was determined by an eminent panel of a single distinguished judge (i.e. Timmy). After conducting extensive research the vote is in:

The “Utility Player” Award

…goes to “Wild Turkey 101” (Note: not Rye, not 80 proof, not Longbranch… not nuttin’ ‘cept 101).

Sip it, mix it, it’s all good. This one’s especially attractive for those who live in close quarters where space is at premium (e.g. on a boat), because it’s a single bottle ~ one & done. Quality bourbon at a ridiculously reasonable (US) price of $20-ish.

The “Reference Standard” Award

…goes to “Knob Creek 9 Year Old” (Note: not Rye, not Single Barrel, not 12 year old, not 120 proof… not nuttin’ ‘cept 9 year old). This is the bourbon by which all others are measured. Proof, blend, age, smoky/sweet proportions, mouth feel, etc. are all in consummate balance. This is the one bottle expression of bourbon’s Platonic ideal and genuine sippin’ whiskey at it’s finest.

However, should you feel flush and desire the gratitude and admiration of those lucky enough to encounter this elixir in their Manhattan, it is the best mixer ever. Around $30, you get what you pay for – in a good way.

The “Presentation Bottle” Award

…goes to “Booker’s Donohoe’s Batch”. OK, full disclosure, I have not personally tasted this liquid gold since splurging on a bottle about 15 years ago. Given the legacy/integrity of the brand (see article), I’m certain the current “edition” will be as good/perhaps better than that which I’d tasted many moons ago. Also, at 127.3 proof (aka “Cask Strength”) it breaks the 101 proof rule and at 6 years – 7 months – 6 days it breaks the perfect age rule. It’s a proud iconoclast. If the Knob Creek is a 10, this one’s an 11.

At a price of $80 it’s one damn impressive gift for someone special (like a favorite uncle, perhaps) or immoderate self indulgence (YOLO). For sippin’ purposes only!

The “Sure Sign You’ve Got Way Too Much Money” Award

…goes to “Pappy Van Winkle” (~$1000+/ bottle) and its ilk. OK, full disclosure, I have not personally tasted, nor will ever likely taste this product. I’ll bet is a perfectly fine bourbon.

However, having tasted a few other “luxury” beverages (e.g. Chateau Mouton Rothschild Claret, Opus One Cab, Pliny the Elder Ale, etc.), all of which were perfectly fine examples of their respective craft, they are, in reality, just another beverage at 3x, 5x, who knows how many “x” the price of a “simple 10″ the market will bear to keep out the riff-raff and appeal to a buyer’s desire for ego enhancement and sense of entitlement (e.g. Dunhill, Hermes, Tiffany, the list goes on… endlessly).

Should you find yourself a member of this tribe, like Bill Koch I have distressed bottles of an undrinkable liquid that once was wine with the initials “TJ” (for Thomas Jefferson, no doubt) etched into the glass. Each at an amazingly low price of $75,000 – A full $25,000 discount off the remarkably similar bottles purchased by the elder Koch brother. I have not spent $35 million dollars seeking recompense, however. (See full article here)

And finally (drum roll, please)…

The coveted “McGiver Bourbon Alchemy” Award

…goes to “Tim’s Blend” (queue wildly applauding crowd sound effect).

So, if ye be a cheap-ass-bastard (like Timmy) who wants to have his “cake” (i.e. Knob Cheek quality) and eat it too (i.e. pay less than Wild Turkey prices), Tipple Timmy’s proprietary blend of equal portions of “Four Roses ~ 80 proof” (Note: not Small Batch, not Barrel Select, etc. – by now you know the drill) around $20 combined with “Evan Williams 100” (not… you know the drill) at about $13 yields a fortuitous outcome which is 98% of Knob Creek’s character at about $16/bottle. Alchemy indeed!

The Four Roses provides the Sweet and the Evan Williams provides the Smokey and enough proof to bring the blend to 90 – together in perfect harmony.

Caveat: After many trials and subsequent fails, Tipple Timmy has yet to discover any other blend that produces the same result. As they say, “If it works, don’t fix it”.

See Y’all!

Now, Tipple Timmy tiptoes into the tulips with best wishes for a beneficent beginning of your beautiful Bourbon relationship.