Conspicuous Consumption

Position: 37°51’59.2″N 122°27’46.7″W

Legendary designer and Steve Jobs influencer Jony Ive recently released a new ‘sailing lantern’ with his partner Balmuda. Its price? A snip at $4,800. That’s $800 more than the cost of a 1982 28ft O’Day sailboat, something that you might have a real adventure with.

Perhaps this disconnect from the real world of sailing is a result of Ive’s enormous wealth. Thanks to his work on the iPhone and other Apple products under Jobs’ tenure, Ive earned hundreds of millions in Apple salary, stock options and bonuses. He invested in San Francisco real estate and in his design firm LoveFrom, (whose first release is the nautical lamp). He recently completed a $6.5B merger of his other design company io with OpenAI. The apparent goal is for OpenAI to become as annoyingly present as Apple iPhones.

Untethered

Nevertheless, at some point Ive’s helium balloon of success plainly untethered him from reality. After all, no self-respecting sailor needs a $5,000 lamp. Especially, when a flaming diesel-soaked rag tied to a boat hook will do in a pinch. Perhaps on your superyacht to light a galley table laden with Beluga caviar and bottles of Armand de Brignac Ace of Spades Swarovski Edition Brut. And here’s the thing: the Armand de Brignac gets only 93 points from Robert Parker. For around $2,000 less you can enjoy a Larmandier-Bernier Champagne 1er Cru Extra Brut, or a Torelló 225 Brut Nature 2018 (about 25 Euros), minus the crystal encrusted bottle.

Luxury Redefined

‘Conspicuous consumption’ was coined back in 1899 when the American economist Thorstein Veblen used the term in his book, “The Theory of the Leisure Class”. Back then, the rich used silver spoons and impractically expensive luxury goods to distinguish themselves from the working classes.

More recently, the ultra-rich have turned their backs on luxury brands (anyone with enough money can buy a Hermès scarf these days) and instead favour ‘luxury experiences’. Hence, they are spending significantly more on bespoke cruises, superyachts and private jets (up 11% last year).

As tone deaf as Sir Jony’s lantern may appear from Aleta’s salon, you can’t fault the man for identifying a market for his goods. Marketing 101 states: if you’re making goods (rather than providing services) in a declining goods market, you need to find (or make) new markets for your stuff. I’m not sure how many lanterns a superyacht needs. Jeff Bezos hasn’t answered my questions on the topic, yet. But a $500 million yacht needs light and what better way to go?

That makes me wonder if there’s a super-luxury bespoke white glove service that Aleta could offer? Perhaps for a million or two in Bitcoin a well-heeled billionaire might want to cross the Atlantic with us. We could certainly provide a unique experience. For a 50% non-refundable down-payment we’d turn our Starlink on 24×7 and stock the bilges with bottles of Armand de Brignac. We might even provide proper stemware.

Inflation

Aleta’s limitations as a luxury vessel are well documented. But should the worst happen and abandonment at sea become necessary, we would allow our passengers first dibs at launching our lifeboat. Any tech bro would agree that pulling the inflation cord would be much more satisfying than peeling the film off a new flat-screen television.

Should any of our readers be tempted to buy a Balmuda lamp for Aleta, please contact us first. We have a long list of upgrades that need installing ahead of new lighting. No matter how conspicuous.

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