Marlon’s Guide to Sailing (for dogs)

Hi Guys! Marlon here!

I wanted to let you all know that I’m enjoying my retirement from seadog life. Being a landlubber again has its benefits: no flappy sails, no heaving to for a poo, and plenty of time with my buddy Spencer.

To make the most of my time on land I’ve been working on my memoirs. Problem is, like Ted Lasso says, I’m as happy as a goldfish because I only have a 10 second memory. At least I can remember to tease old Spencer by stealing his floppy fish whenever I can! I’m also working on a practical guide to sailing for dogs.

I have to say most peoples don’t understand dogs. Worse, almost nobody understands dogs on sailboats. I was lucky. My peoples were pretty good at living with me. It took a bit of training, but they stepped up. Honestly, I’m proud of who they became. They were well behaved and cleaned up after themselves and gave me massages and fur treatments. That went a long way to making me happy. But I’ve spoken with lots of other dogs on boats that didn’t get the same experiences I got, and that’s who I’m writing the guide for.

My Guide to Sailing (for Dogs)

I figured I’d test some of my ideas with you guys first and get some feedback*, so here goes:

• Be patient with your peoples. They’re slow to learn, but when they finally understand what they’re supposed to do, reward them with unconditional love.
• Don’t overdo the potty thing. Most dogs like me like going outdoors where the grass can tickle our tummies. On a boat you can be away from land for a long time. Get your peoples to put a good mat on the side deck. One that doesn’t slide around. Then train them to let you out so you can go there. It may take a few days, but they’ll get the hang of it sooner or later. I know some peoples won’t go offshore for more than 24 hours for fear of a doggo explosion. Where’s the adventure in that? I also know some dogs that go inside the boat. That’s gross! Don’t fall for that trick – your peoples are lazy and need more training.
• Let your peoples know you can swim. We can all do the dog paddle. It’s in our genes. Make sure they give you a lifejacket and make them put it on you. I had my peoples clip me into the cockpit when we were at sea. I didn’t want them getting overexcited and jumping overboard after me.
• If you decide to go for a swim, make sure your peoples know where you are. They get skittish and weird if you’re calmly doing the backstroke and they can’t see you. Better not excite them too much.
• That brings me to dinghies. A good ship’s dog brings stateliness to a dinghy. Stand in the bow with your head and ears erect, your back arched and tail at attention. That way you put to shame all other dinghies and tenders and ensure you get the best location at the dock. Feel free to jump in and out of the dinghy. Your peoples are likely fussy slowpokes and need a bit of chivvying along.

• When you get to a new port and have a chance to walk around, make friends with as many peoples as you can. I learned that if you give them a Zoolander Magnum look they’ll give you all kinds of luvvies and treats. Your peoples will appreciate your ability to break the ice.
• When you’re out at sea, be sure and find a nice warm spot to snuggle in. Especially with a crew member. You will feel better and so will your peoples.
• If you’re out on deck and see a seagull, bark for all you’re worth. I learned that seagulls often congregate around where whales and dolphins feed. Your peoples always get excited about whales and dolphins. I don’t know why, but I get extra luvvies when I bark at seagulls and a cetacean pops up above the surface. They can be scary at first. But after a while you realize they’re just mammals. Kind of like how Britain’s Royal Family are just mammals (🤣).
• In a new country it helps to have a strong stomach. Personally, my stomach is made of cast iron and I love all kinds of food. Many places like having dogs in their eating places. If you behave, you’ll find you get all kinds of new things to eat.
• Don’t let rats or other stowaways on board. No matter what your peoples say, none of them like unexpected guests. As a rat terri(fi)er I know how to terrify rats. They never set foot on Aleta. I made sure of that. It’s my way of earning my passage. That and unconditional kisses.
• Do your best to be useful in other ways. Keep your peoples warm at night – it gets cold on the water. Lick the dinner plates to help save water and pick up any pieces of food that drop on the floor. You know, just like at home. That way things stay shipshape and you become (almost) indispensable.

That’s all I have for now. I’m working on turning each point into a whole chapter in my book. I’ll get to it just after I have a nap and poke fun at Spencer. Chow!

Fish Fight

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*If you have feedback, and it’s nice and positive, then send me a comment. Arf!Arf!.

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